you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
