I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
