I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
