Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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