You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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