you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
