So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Welp...herpes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
