I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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