i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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