Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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