Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
