NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
