2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
