i already hear my dad disowning me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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