I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
