I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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