Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
