Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
