420 ftw
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
