I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
