dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
