no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
last night I used snow as a chaser
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