I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
