I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
