I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
