I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
