If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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