3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
