i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
