k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
