just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
