my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
