i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
