If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
