that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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