And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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