I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
