Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
