And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
