Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
