Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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