I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
