twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
