Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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