She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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