You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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