I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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