just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
