He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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