I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
